Today is my and John's sixth wedding anniversary. Six years doesn't have the numerical significance to it that five years does, nor does it have the bite of year seven with it's itch, but it feels just right with where we are; a bit in the middle of things. Year five was so big with Elliot joining Team Potter that I honestly worry a bit about this anniversary being a bit lost in the shuffle. But tonight we will have dear friends watch Elliot so we can go to dinner and reminisce about what we were doing at this moment, exactly six years ago, on a Friday night so similar to this one, with the promise of fall just around the corner.
I don't know if John and I have ever been more on the same page then we are today. The daily rhythms and busyness of life don't often allow me to reflect on that, but today I will and be thankful because that is no small thing. When we were doing (for us) the really hard work of trying to decide when was the right time to try to start a family, we found that we were not on the same page. We began to see a therapist who observed the vows that John and I had each taken, some things we believed to be so true that we were committed to them in a very real way, as real to us as the vows we took six years ago. For me, it was that we would never get pregnant. For John, it was that having kids would ruin our marriage and destroy his sense of peace and quiet (so pretty much the worse combination where I would push and John would avoid). Over the course of the next several months, we worked through the truth of those vows as well as the lies, and it was in that process that the power they had over us became less potent.
A friend recently asked how we broke the vows, and I don't think it was when we got pregnant or when John realized our relationship was still good after Elliot was born. I think it happened when we started clinging more tightly to vows like trusting God with our future (like for real) and when we declared that our story was going be ours, and even if it ending up having pieces that scared us, we were a team and in this together.
I'm guessing breaking vows usually isn't what many people are thinking about on their wedding anniversary, but I know that in many ways that act made our marriage stronger and more honest. So John, here's to many more years of breaking free from the lies that keep us from being on the same page, and to new vows shaping the future of our marriage. I love you.